I have been really busy the last few days. I’m now playing with 3 hockey teams as if just one wouldn’t be enough, but some where amongst all the hustle and bustle I have found the time to process a few things in my life. I feel an overwhelming need to discover passion and drive and feel the worth that I once felt. I am often told that I have changed peoples lives but somehow I still struggle with worthiness? I know that my story has touched many peoples lives, however my own has been changed the most. I now live for joy and laughter today and not always putting that off until tomorrow.  I now will lay in my bed with my girls on the weekends instead of rushing to get up to make sure the laundry is done and the dishes are clean.  Those things will get done but they are not how I base my worth anymore.  There is so much pressure on us as woman to keep a home, make sure our families needs are met, our bills are paid and somewhere in there have some fun and grow through passion.  In a lot of ways I feel like I have found passion for some new wonderful things and also lost my passion for some things along the way.  One of the first things Mark told me when we started is that nobody who beats cancer is the same on the other side. I would have to agree with that 100% even though I haven’t beat it yet. I will no longer surrender who I am on the inside for what people perceive on the outside.  I will be loved for who I am and not who people hope I could be. I will do my best to love my self with no exception to the imperfections that I see. I will strive to be passionate about the choices I make and love and laugh as often as possible.  I’m not saying that I will be perfect at these things but as I contemplate the new year and where I go from here, this is what I see… A new refreshed me, a lover, a friend, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a woman. A woman beyond expectations and better for it.  I will choose each day to find the joy and the beauty even when its seems buried below a cloud of darkness. I will! I will be stronger everyday and discover who I am each morning.