Well there has been some big ups and downs this last few weeks. In the down side, we lost our dear friend Bob to cancer last week. It was VERY difficult for all of us, especially my mom, because it is so close to home. He was such an amazing man with a contagious smile and a heart of gold. He was diagnosed with colon cancer just a couple months ago and it took him down fast. It was really hard to watch him suffer and ultimately he kind of gave up. He told my mom in the final days that he was ready and that he didn’t want to burden his wife anymore. That statement will stick with me forever because I have felt that way at times but then I realize to some degree my value is worth more than the burden. If he only knew how much we all cared about him and that attitude is such a huge part of it maybe he could have hung on a little longer. It has been a difficult time for all involved but for me it made me a little fearful of what the future might hold but then I realize that fearing it won’t change it and strength and perseverance are the key to staying well as long as I can. I have a blood draw next week and I have a little anxiety about it as usual but then at the same time I feel pretty good other than the tiredness that NEVER seems to go away. No pain and no discomfort so far so I can’t complain too much. My leg is either maybe a little better or I am just getting used to it at this point. I have gained some weight which is frustrating but I think that has a lot more to do with lack of activity since I stand all day at work and am so tired when I get home that I don’t cook like I should. I am determined to get back on track and get better results. Mark has recently told me that he doesn’t expect me to be so restricted forever so I have been trying to have a somewhat normal, yet healthy diet.

On the positive side I have a guy in my life that is a breath of fresh air in the chaos that is my life . He is so kind and thoughtful that it kind of blows me away at times. He and I worked together at Tamarack a few years ago and he has been an amazing friend. He has been an active part of this journey for me, making sure to come to see me frequently and participating in several of my fundraisers. He has always been a super great guy but in being a supportive and helping me get through some of the recent transition we became really close and something new and exciting has been developing. I had so many thoughts that nobody else would ever want me so this is new and kind of scary for me. It is also kind of exciting and fun. The idea of having a future that looks bright is a new concept for me. The adventure and the joy have been outstanding. I was absolutely NOT looking to date but it just kind of happened out of nowhere. I can’t say that I am disappointed either.

I also met Daricks girlfriend Laura this week. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it at first but she seems nice and she is really pretty. As long as she treats the girls well I don’t have much to complain about. At first I felt a little resentment toward her but the more I look at myself and why I feel that way I have had a chance to process and release those feelings. Ultimately the best thing for my girls is for Darick to change and if that takes me leaving and a new girl teaching him then so be it. I have struggled with him not having time to spend with the girls and I in the past but now he has every weekend available for the new girl and her kids. However I have to let it go and see that there is something good out there waiting for me as well. The good stuff is coming, I’m expecting it…