Archive for Journal

Nothing but Good Stuff

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

I am ready for the good stuff. I am ready for the happy ending. I am ready for joy and excitement both. I believe those days are on their way. I actually see bits and pieces of them already. However sometimes they are clouded by others misconceptions and ability to see ugliness in something that was never intended the way they perceive it. I was approached yesterday by my ex husband in regards to my journal and facebook. He has been told that I am righting negative things about him which is not the case in any way shape or form. I actually have nothing negative to say about Darick. He and I are doing our best to facilitate a good relationship for our two beautiful daughters. In all actuality I have even made very kind comments about he and his new girlfriend. If you come to MY blog to try to stir up trouble or to manipulate my words into something negative then all I really have to say is, maybe you should spend your time somewhere else besides my journal. This is a place for me to share my thoughts and journey with those that love me and for me to leave a positive legacy for my children. It is not a gossip site nor do I EVER intend to use it to air my dirty laundry about my marriage. I think that is both immature and damaging to my children. Take my words for what they are and not what you can make them into. I loved Darick very much and am grateful for 10 years and 2 beautiful, amazing daughters. I can’t say that I will never talk about Darick and our interactions because that is my life and that’s where I am, and last time I checked this is my blog. Basically I want to use this to impact my children someday, bring awareness to others about ovarian cancer and be a positive light(to the best of my human ability) to all that read it. As my aunt Teri says “Be a blessing, or be quiet.”

What keeps me going

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

I got an email today from a man who has a friend fighting ovarian cancer. He thanked me for sharing my journey and how I had helped him be a better friend to her because of it. It made me very emotional because when I started this journal I had no intentions other than keeping family and friends updated during the process and to document the journey for my small children. Honestly I started my blog for my daughters if, god forbid, I didn’t make it. I wanted them to know that I fought and how often I thought of them during that battle. They are so small and I can’t bare the thought of them forgetting me or ever questioning how I felt about them. There have been days in this journey when it seems so hopeless and I have thought if I didn’t have them I might just give up and let the cancer kill me. I know that is not what I want but there are days when the pain is so much and the emotion so overwhelming that you question your ability to win the fight. It’s people like Josh, the people on Facebook who say I have changed them for the better and my kids that keep me going. I want people to know that the best thing you can do when you are on the bottom of the stack is to keep climbing to the top. You will fall sometimes but you just dust off and climb again.