A powerful few weeks! I’ve been to busy to journal so here goes. The week before last I was getting ready to get the bakery going so I headed to Boise in the snow, at the last minute I decided to run home to grab my glasses just in case it was late when I got back. That random decision put me right on the scene of an auto accident. As I came around the corner by the fire station I saw a black SUV miss the corner and take out another red SUV. I quickly got to the side of the road and got out of my car. As I rushed to the red car the Gentleman was getting out of the passenger side of his car. We both got to the red car about the same time. He was already dialing 911 and upon reaching the side of the car I realized that I knew the woman in the car. She had brought me meals after my first surgery and had lost her first husband to cancer. Any way as soon as she saw me she said “Crystal! I’m so glad you’re here!” I then asked if she was ok and she said “No, my ankle is broken.” I had opened her car door to get closer to her and as I looked down I could see the mangled leg for myself. It kind of took my breath away but I quickly took action. I got her to sit back and relax and asked her if she wanted me to pray with her, she said yes and off we went. Thankfully the medics were there really quickly and I was able to reach her husband and get him there before the ambulance even left. Once the medics were tending to Julie I turned my attention to the other gentleman. He was very shook up and just kept asking me if she was going to be ok. I tried to assure him that she was going to be fine and kept talking to him and trying to keep him calm as he and I told our encounter to the police officer. They told him that they would tow his car ect and I asked him where he lived and how he was getting home. He told me he was from Boise and that he would probably have to get his wife to come get him. Something I would NEVER normally even consider but felt lead to do happened next. I told him that I was heading to Boise and would be willing to take him. He seemed as surprised at my offer as I was but graciously accepted. We wrapped things up with the medics and police and off we went.
We did the whole, “hi, my name is…” and that lead to what do you do for a living ect. He told me that he was the manger of BMW in Boise and that he was up here for a fishing trip with his buddies for his Birthday. I told him that I had many jobs but my newest venture was a clean bakery and as we began to discuss how I got into that ect. At first he just listened but soon began to tell me how his wife was having trouble similar to mine and that she was having a hysterectomy on the 1st. I knew then why god had prompted me to take this man with me. We talked about our faith and our families and I offered him my information if there was anything I could do to help them when it came time. It was a powerful trip.
Now fast forward to this week. Thanksgiving morning I got a call from a number that I didn’t recognize but it turned out to be a distant, step family member who had a sister in law in almost the identical circumstances I was in last year at Thanksgiving. She then passed my number on to her brother who called me almost immediately. As I recapped the last year I felt a variety of emotions, mostly joy at how far I have come, but knew there was power in my story and could almost see and feel the mood change. His urgency and discouragement seemed to soften as I told him how I also was in a place where I was too weak to get chemo any longer and thats when I found Dr. Cola ect. It was great to be giving hope and help instead of taking it. That was just the beginning, we spoke nearly everyday over the holiday, sharing recipes and thoughts as we walked through it all. They also spoke to Dr. Cola and seemed excited by the possibilities and then I began to get more emails from other cancer patients asking me for emotional support and knowledge. I feel inspired to read and learn so much more! I used my “feelings” book with everyone and they were all SO surprised by its accuracy. Might be buying amazon out for Christmas! The power of the mind is incredible. Manifestations are real and powerful.
On my way to Ross I got a call from Marika. Despite her rough day(she was the hospital with a fever) she was a comfort to me. We talked as only cancer patients can talk to each other. We talked about our body’s, how we felt unattractive and how the emotional toll takes over you some times. She is kind and loving and I am so grateful for her. I had lots of shopping to do and stops to make so when I finally headed for home after a LONG day at 10 pm I had a melt down. Something that I don’t think I have ever really let happen in my life. I was alone, had some great music going and I just sobbed and cried out to God. I yelled and let myself be REALLY angry for the first time that I can remember and then as quickly as it started it was over. The tears were dry and the redness left my face and once again I was in a state of numbness almost. I know that there is nothing I can do to change this right now and all I can do is keep working on me. I realize that I can live like this for now. There is no threat to my life, my kidneys are functioning and my bowl blockage is non existent. The greatest hurdle in my life is this ostomy and I can’t do the surgery myself so I better just figure out more ways to get around it for the time being. I don’t have to be happy about it, I just have to accepting of it for now.
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